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27 May 2008 @ 06:23 am

When I was a kid and pictured my wedding, it was like a fairy tale. You know? With the big white dress and the husband who’s like a knight on a white horse and shit. And even though my wedding was all fairy tale like, and my husband is kinda hero-y like? It wasn’t what I had pictures as a kid. Cause the reason behind the wedding wasn’t something I could have ever imagined as a kid.

Hell, if people knew about Wes he’d be arrested and put in an insane asylum. It’s weird what he is, I think it’s kinda… ew. But hey, he’s still a good guy and he’s not insane. I’m not getting any younger either and my Mom kept on nagging and nagging and… Point is, my wedding isn’t one out of love. Yeah sure, I love Wes. I love him like a good friend, almost like a brother. Seriously shouldn’t think about *that* to much.

Not many people know about him. I figured it out, or thought I had. Took a night of getting him totally drunkfaced after he bailed out Spike again. Boy what a trouble that was. Spike got a lecture and a very pissy Wes to deal with for weeks on end after that. But cause I was there when he came back to the office – Wes, not Spike – already drunk and watched him only sink deeper and deeper away? I knew Spike so wasn’t the reason.

No. Wes got his heart broken by this asshole police guy. Don’t know the details, don’t care either. Just care that he hurt Wes. Was hard to watch him sink away deeper and deeper into that darkness. Even Willow who’s like always smiling and so cheery it makes me sick sometimes avoided him. Spend lots of time with the son of the bastard. Not Connor’s fault either. And if look deep into my heart, I kinda know it’s not Gallaghans fault either.

Just the way things are. It’s wrong and against the law, so for all our sakes it’s maybe better this way. Spike even said so. Had a long shouting session with Wes and after that Wes started drinking even more. Great. I’m married to an alcoholic. Fuck. Yeah, that’s right. I ended up marrying him. I married Wes. Was the best thing to do.

I mean he’s a descent guy even when drunk. He has a steady income, he’s polite, gentle and nice. He’s gonna makes sure I’m well taken care of. But it’s hard knowing you’re not the one he wants. Even when he’s not the one you want either. I kinda had my eye on Slick McDonald, but he’s like a butterfly, floating from one whore to another. So that was never gonna work.

The wedding was nice though. I was grinning from ear to ear with how well things worked out. Wes even managed to not get drunk. Feels creepy that I can thank Spike for that, the eternal trouble maker kept the one who never gets in trouble out of trouble. Or something. Whatever. That was month’s ago and now friggen reality hits. In the form of my Ex showing up. Bastard shit head is blackmailing us.

Me, threatening to ruin what I build up here. Wes for what he is. I don’t know how he found out and it doesn’t matter. We don’t have all that money though and Wes has had enough. He’s not the type to sit there and be blackmailed you know? So he’s gone to talk to Asshole. And I’m sitting here, worried, waiting, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Cause I got this feeling shit is about to hit the fan harder then it ever did before.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious